The Daily Isotope has obtained the notes and transcript of the following therapy session. It has been edited for length and comprehension.
Therapist: Welcome to therapy. What’s on your mind?
Patient: I feel like people are asking me to change my very nature.
Therapist: What makes you say this?
Patient: They say that I’m cold. It hurts, you know!
Therapist: I understand.
Patient: Some of them even say I’m downright frigid.
Therapist: How does that make you feel?
Patient: Terrible! What’s more, I have a friend I regularly go out with. Everyone calls my friend warm.
Therapist: Do go on.
Patient: Heck, they even call my friend burning hot at times.
Therapist: Okay, but why does this make you feel terrible?
Patient: It is a bit on the nose, isn’t it? They are intimating that I should change my nature.
Therapist: How so?
Patient: I’m a refrigerator! It is my nature to be cold!
Therapist: I had noticed, but it is good to hear you voice it.
Patient: I do have a warm side, but people ignore it.
Therapist: Oh?
Patient: My coils are hot, but people never think to look at them and comment about how hot they are. They are on my back. It’s not like I can move them to be more evident.
Therapist: You mentioned a friend.
Patient: What about my friend?
Therapist: This friend is…
Patient: Oh, it is an oven.
Therapist: I see. For a second there, I thought it might be a furnace.
Among the therapists notes, we found the following scribbles:
A new pickup line?? How would it go???
“Hello, pretty. You must be a fridge.”
“What? Are you saying I’m frigid?”
“No!!!! It is because your coils are so hot.”
“Fuck off…”
Hmm… maybe not.
In a similar vein:
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