“Hello! I’m Jonas James. You called me.”
“Jonas James… Ah… Yes. Please sit down.”
“So did I get the job?”
“The job? Haha. God no. The person who came in first got the job. The person who came in second might have gotten it if the first did not want the job. It’s never happened that both first and second declined. You came in third. You did not get the job.”
“Third? And I did not get the job?”
“That’s right.”
“Why did you have me come all the way over here to tell me this.”
“We thought you’d want to celebrate! You came in third.”
“Celebrate?”
“Yes! You beat 382 other candidates. You should be proud of having come in third.”
“But I don’t have the job. How am I going to pay for my rent?”
“Have you thought about downsizing?”
“Downsizing?”
“Yes, I can put you in contact with one of our downsizing specialists.”
“For free?”
“Free? Hell no! It is $250 per hour.”
“But how am I going to pay?”
“Hmm… Are your kidneys any good?”
“I don’t know. Why?”
“Maybe you could sell them.”
“Both? I’d die.”
“Well, then you wouldn’t have to pay for your rent, would you? Problem solved! It is a win-win scenario!”
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