“I came as soon as I could. I was doing lines when central called.”
“You know that’s a nasty habit, don’t you?”
“You want me to stop reciting lines of poetry?”
“Yes. I do. You sound like a squid every time you recite your damn lines.”
“Anyhow. What do we have here?”
“Someone was murdered, a rat, by the looks of it.”
“A snitch, eh? Where’s the victim. I don’t see a body.”
“The body is there. Look carefully.”
“I don’t see it. Will you stop playing games with me and just tell me where the body is?”
“It is right in front of you, on the floor.”
“I just see a dead rat.”
“Yes, that’s the rat that was murdered.”
“I see. So this rat was a snitch, then.”
“No. I think he just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
“Like a cat on a hot tin roof, at noon in the middle of summer.”
“No, like a rat who got murdered. Keep up!”
“Hmm… by these traces, I’d say this rat died of strangulation.”
“That’s what I thought too, but the coroner set me straight. This rat died of suffocation when the air couldn’t get to its lungs because his windpipe was crushed by someone’s hands.”
“That’s a lot of big words. To take just one example, what are those ‘hands’ you’re talking about?”
“Let me explain it again. This time I’ll do it in a way you’ll understand: HE SUFFFFFFOOOOCCCAAAATTEEEEDDD.”
“I understand now. So you did hot have to talk about those mysterious ‘hands’ to explain it! See how easy it was? Do we have a lead?”
“Yes, someone left this letter.”
“Give it to me. Hmm… ‘Dear Detectives, you shall know me by the name The Fartist.’ The Fartist… That explains the stench I smelled when I entered the room.”
“Yes. The remains of The Fartist’s handiwork, no doubt.”
“How did you come to the conclusion that he farts through his hands?”
“Hang on. I’ve got to take this call. [Into the phone:] Yes, yes, okay. [Hangs up.] It was the coroner. I’ve got good news and bad news.”
“Give me the good news first.”
“Alright, there’s cake in the break room back at the office.”
“Okay, what’s the bad news?”
“You and I are not at the office.”
“Anything about our suspect?”
“Yes, it turns out that he killed himself. The strangulation marks are self-inflicted. The stench was so awful that he crushed his own windpipe.”
“I see… but he did this due to The Fartist’s work. So this is still murder, murder most foul.”
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