A new craze is sweeping the nation, conditional gift giving. We caught up with conditional gift giving guru, Maxine Vance, to learn about this new phenomenon. She explains, “Conditional gift giving is the practice of giving a gift, but you give it only if some conditions are fulfilled.”

She continues, “The people receiving the gift are at first elated, but then when you specify your conditions, their reactions ranges from amused to downright enraged. It really depends on the condition you attach to it. Requiring a kiss might generate amusement, but requiring that the receiver purchases more than eight gallons of gasoline to get the gift might generate rage.”

Some people hold that conditional gifting is not gifting at all. We reached out to Vaxine Mance, a spokesperson for those critical of conditional giving. They told us, “A gift is not a gift if it is not given without strings attached. Conditional gifting attaches so many strings that what you have in the end is a spider web ready to trap the receiver of the gift.”

They added, “Especially annoying are those time limits that some people tack on. Not only do you have to decide to accept the conditions or not, but you have to do it within a specific span of time. You need to make a decision by such and such date, or you forfeit the gift, and possibly a friendship/”

Given the range of reactions that this practice elicits, we suggest that you think carefully prior to engaging in it. A better practice, in some cases, might be to falsely claim to have made a donation in the name of the receiver.

This story was inspired by an email from Exxon promising a “gift offer.” You guessed it. It came with strings attached. They wanted me to buy at least eight gallons of gasoline.