Dear Bib: I’ve been going to this dentist since WWII, but lately he’s taken up the bad habit of making appointments without my consent. Last week, he had the gall to go on a date without asking for my permission. Then, the next day, he had an appointment with his own doctor. Again, he did not ask me if he could do this. I cannot stand this, he should be available to me 24/7, or ask before making appointments with other people.
– Mental Dilemma

Dear Mental: I’m sorry that you’re dealing with someone who enjoys the freedom of making the dates he wants. You are quite correct that if he just goes on this or that appointment, then he might not be able to give you the care you seek. What world are we living in, if someone like you needs an emergency teeth cleaning, but cannot get it because his dentist is on a date? I suggest you draft a polyamory agreement in which you detail that he’s not to make appointments without your permission.
– Bib The Squib

This bit of satire was inspired by this article:

https://www.masslive.com/advice/2024/11/asking-eric-my-dentist-keeps-making-appointments-without-my-consent.html

A recent survey uncovered an alarming trend among coffee drinkers. It revealed that two thirds of coffee drinkers lick a live electrical outlet right after they drink their coffee.

John Minston, a dentist from the National Common Sense Dentistry Institute, explains, “For some baffling reason, a lot of coffee drinkers like to lick a live electrical outlet right after they drink coffee. This is the one thing you should never do. You want to drink toilet water as a chaser, kiss a shark, or even detonate a nuclear bomb? Have at it! But never ever lick an electrical outlet.”

When asked for alternatives, Minston continued, “We don’t recommend adopting this behavior. We instead suggest that coffee drinker go lick a cat, or their own hand. This way they don’t risk electrocuting themselves.”

Nancy Strong, a coffee drinker, agrees, “Yeah, I used to lick the electrical outlet, but I was shocked when I discovered that I could electrocute myself. Who would have known that electricity runs thought that thing? I now lick the cat, much safer. Ack… aaaaarck….” She then coughed up a hairball.

The National Common Sense Dentistry Institute urges coffee drinkers to stop licking electrical outlets. Minston concluded, “Even if it means that a cat somewhere is going to be annoyed at their owner’s new behavior.”

Yes, I know that’s the second article of the day, but sometimes the satire just writes itself! This article inspired this story:

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/loving-drinking-coffee-heres-the-1-thing-you-definitely-shouldnt-do-according-to-a-dentist_uk_671f59c3e4b03aa5c1cdb386