“Alright. Inside of you, there are two cockroaches. One of them is dead, and the other is dancing.”

“Cockroaches? Ew… Take them out, right away.”

“No, no, no. You don’t understand. I was speaking metaphorically.”

“Why are you speaking meteorically? I said give it to me straight.”

“Alright, it’s metaphorically, not meteorically, but let’s forget the cockroaches.”

“I’m afraid I can’t. You’ve painted quite the picture.”

“Okay, I’ll put away brushes, paint, and easel now.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ll give it to you straight. You’ve got cancer.”

“Okay. I don’t know where you were going with your cockroach metaphor. At any rate, that’s a relief.”

“It is quite serious. Why do you call it a relief?”

“I thought you’d say I have explosive diarrhea.”

“No, but judging by the trail of shit behind me… that’s what I have.”

“Hahaha!”

“I wouldn’t be laughing if I were you. With the chemo you’re about to get, you’ll get a good idea of the explosive diarrhea experience. Hahaha!”

#TheDailyIsotope #AutisticWriters #microfiction #cockroaches #shit #ExplosiveDiarrhea #cancer

The Daily Isotope talked to Nancy Stein, a renowned physicist at Georgetown University, about a shocking discovery she made regarding the US healthcare system. She explains, “Let me put it in layman’s terms: the US healthcare system is akin to explosive diarrhea.”

She argues, “First, the system completely stinks. This is already a clue as to its nature. Explosive diarrhea also stinks. Second, the healthcare system also operates in surprising ways, much like explosive diarrhea. You are surprised when you are hospitalized, and they send you reams of EOBs through the mail, in pretty much the same way you are surprised when your rear end starts gushing uncontrollably.”

When we asked for more details, she added, “Also, just as explosive diarrhea can ruin your life, so can the US healthcare system do the same. In the case of explosive diarrhea, the effect is temporary, however.”

While researching this article, we found people arguing that the US healthcare system is akin to a turd. We put it to Stein, who told us, “No, a turd is a poor model. You need to account for Schrödinger’s turdity wave. Much too complex a model.”

Schrödinger’s toilet experiments and the turdity wave are detailed here:

Updated the protagonist’s name to avoid accidentally referring to someone famous.