“I am a Knight of the Round Table, and have come to have my future foretold.”

“That will be five pounds.”

“I’m a Knight of the Round Table. Don’t you understand?!”

“Yes, I understand that you sit at a table which has a round shape. Five pounds, please.”

“Alright, here are your five pounds”

“Excellent! Take a seat.”

“May I take this one?”

“Yes… What are you doing picking that seat up?”

“You told me to take a seat, so I am taking a seat.”

“Put that seat down and sit down, you oaf!”

“Alright, alright! No need to get angry, old woman!”

“Old? I’m only 35, you know.”

“Yeah, well I’m 15 so…”

“At any rate, I’m going to read you now.”

“Okay.”

“Hmm… I see… something.”

“What do you see?”

“You… you masturbate… a lot.”

“That’s none of your business.”

“I see what I see, young man!”

“Anyway, what can you tell me about my future?”

“Give me a second… I see something else. You will be betrayed.”

“I knew it! It is my second in command, isn’t it? That bastard is going to betray me to the enemy.”

“No… not him… you will be betrayed… by your farts!”

“My farts? How so?”

“While hiding in the bushes, you will fart. The enemy will hear it, and kill you.”

“You must be seeing wrong. I do not fart. [Fart noise.]”

“Oh, what was that noise?”

“A frog… that was a frog.”

“Sure it was. Anyhow, this future can be averted.”

“Averted? How?”

“That will be another five pounds.”

“Listen, old woman, I am on a very important mission.”

“Five pounds!”

“Alright.”

“Thank you.”

“Now will you tell me how to avert this future?”

“Don’t eat beans.”

“Don’t eat beans? That’s it?”

“Yes. It will rob your gut from the fuel it needs to produce farts.”

“Well, then I shall eat cauliflower.”

“Great! And stop masturbating. You’re going to get hairy palms.”

#TheDailyIsotope #AutisticWriters #microfiction #knights #masturbation #farts