“Alright. Inside of you, there are two cockroaches. One of them is dead, and the other is dancing.”

“Cockroaches? Ew… Take them out, right away.”

“No, no, no. You don’t understand. I was speaking metaphorically.”

“Why are you speaking meteorically? I said give it to me straight.”

“Alright, it’s metaphorically, not meteorically, but let’s forget the cockroaches.”

“I’m afraid I can’t. You’ve painted quite the picture.”

“Okay, I’ll put away brushes, paint, and easel now.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ll give it to you straight. You’ve got cancer.”

“Okay. I don’t know where you were going with your cockroach metaphor. At any rate, that’s a relief.”

“It is quite serious. Why do you call it a relief?”

“I thought you’d say I have explosive diarrhea.”

“No, but judging by the trail of shit behind me… that’s what I have.”

“Hahaha!”

“I wouldn’t be laughing if I were you. With the chemo you’re about to get, you’ll get a good idea of the explosive diarrhea experience. Hahaha!”

#TheDailyIsotope #AutisticWriters #microfiction #cockroaches #shit #ExplosiveDiarrhea #cancer

The Daily Isotope was able to obtain a partial draft of the script of the latest installment of the Star Trek franchise, Star Trek: The Umpteenth Iteration. We publish here what we obtained.

La Forge: Captain, the enemy ship is about to fire on us.

Picard: Raise shields.

Worf: Sir, this will require more power than we can spend right now.

Picard: Divert power from the toilets.

Worf: The toilets? But…

Picard: I know very well that shit will back up into the ship, but we have no other choice.

Worf: Aye, aye, Captain! Diverting power from the toilets.

O’Brien [Through a communicator:] What are you doing up there? I was shitting!

Riker: [Testily:] The captain is keeping you alive so that you can shit another day.

O’Brien: Oh. Fair enough. O’Brien out.

[Hours later.]

Picard: Worf, status report.

Worf: The enemy has retreated. The ship is still intact, but all the decks are now enshittified.

Riker: Well, that explains the smell.

All: Ha ha ha ha ha ha…

Troy: Worf, I find your stubbornness so alluring.

Worf: Among Klingons, such declaration amounts to a marriage proposal.

Troy: This is it, then. We are married. Let’s make a baby.

Worf: This does not seem advisable.

Troy: But I want it.

Worf: Among Klingons, mating involves spanking each other.

Troy: Spank me, Worf!

Worf: Very well. I am indeed stubborn, but your desire for a spanking convinced me that we should mate.

All: Ha ha ha ha ha ha…

Dr. Crusher: Congratulations on your beautiful baby.

Troy: A baby would seriously eat into my ability to be on deck. What should I do?

Dr. Crusher: Don’t worry. I’m about to hit the reset button and that baby of yours will disappear. You will have never been married to Worf.

Troy: Must you?

Dr. Crusher: Yes, I must. Thus, have the writers decreed.

Riker: [Popping out from behind the couch:] Well, that explains the smell.

All: Ha ha ha ha ha ha…

“I recommend that everyone use this trick,” says Susanne Smith, CNO, that’s Chief Nutrition Officer, at Smith Nutrition. Together with her husband and her newborn, she has 293 years of experience in nutrition.

“I have people coming into my office in tears, quite unable to lose weight,” she continues. “I feel for them, and this compels me to tell them about this one weird trick. Their minds are blown away after I tell them.”

Smith told us about how people spend hours exercising and dieting, without seeing any results. “Few people know about my trick,” she explains.

What’s her trick? She continues, “It is extremely easy to implement. My trick is this: take a dump before weighing yourself.” Smith reports that she can easily shave off the pounds if she takes a shit just before weighing herself.

Smith hopes that more people will drop a deuce prior to weighing themselves. “They can take a load off their mind by simply dropping a load into the toilet.”