The Daily Isotope
The same but different.
Latest Article:
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Scientist makes shocking discovery about the US healthcare system
The Daily Isotope talked to Nancy Stein, a renowned physicist at Georgetown University, about a shocking discovery she made regarding the US healthcare system. She explains, “Let me put it in layman’s terms: the US healthcare system is akin to explosive diarrhea.” She argues, “First, the system completely stinks. This is already a clue as…
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Man unexpectedly dates motorcycle
A Waterford man got more than he bargained for when he sent a like on the profile of what he thought was a woman on a dating app. He explains, “She was so beautiful. I just couldn’t help myself, so I liked her.” He admitted that he did not pay much attention to the text…
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Can a smooth rejection constitute harassment?
Can a smooth rejection constitute harassment? Let us examine one case. We’ve obtained a transcript of a conversation between two people on a dating app. We’ve replaced the user handles with A and B for the sake of the privacy of the people involved. Moreover, we do know that A is an enby, but we…
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Quantum elections: man refuses to hear election results, for fear of “collapsing the wave”
Brad Singleton is a man on a mission. His mission is to stay away from any news source. He does this because he does not want to know who won the latest election. Singleton says, “They say that ignorance is bliss. I’m quite happy in my state of ignorance.” We pressed Singleton for his reasoning.…
Random Articles:
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Automated calling assistant gets call from automated robocaller
The Daily Isotope has obtained the transcript of a conversation between an automated calling assistant and an automated robocaller. “Hi, I’m an automated calling assistant, recording this call for the person you’re trying to reach. May I ask what you’re calling about?” “Hi, I’m an automated robocaller. I’m calling about getting insurance with us.” “Hi,…
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911: man using ‘literally’ figuratively causes commotion
Jim Strong caused quite a commotion when he called 911 last Saturday. Strong claims he was just trying to help his friend. “I was fearing for his life. What he was telling me made literally no sense, and I mean ‘literally’ literally,” Strong explains. Strong’s friend, Mike Johnson, apparently told Strong that his wife was…
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YouTube creator criticizes himself for harsh working conditions
In the wake of the Mr. Beast controversy about harsh working conditions, a whistleblower came forth with revelations that the YouTube creator called Your Autistic Life has created a toxic work environment for his worker. He explains, “My boss keeps pushing me to work work work all the time. It is insane. He also makes…
Older Articles:
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Scientist makes shocking discovery about the US healthcare system
The Daily Isotope talked to Nancy Stein, a renowned physicist at Georgetown University, about a shocking discovery she made regarding the US healthcare system. She explains, “Let me put it in layman’s terms: the US healthcare system is akin to explosive diarrhea.” She argues, “First, the system completely stinks. This is already a clue as…
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Poop Music: a new trend for listening to music on the throne
There is a new trend sweeping the world of musical entertainment. You’ve surely heard about pop music, but have you heard about the brand-new trend of poop music? James Wilson, a poop music aficionado, explains, “See, I like to listen to music in the bathroom. You know, while I’m on the throne. Poop music fits…
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Google Maps: the speed limit is five cauliflowers per hour
James Mims had a surprise when he went on a trip from the US to Canada and used Google Maps for navigation. The speed limit information provided by the app was more often wrong than right. He explains, “Even where I live, like right on my own street, Google Maps reports a speed limit of…
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Dating: man proves to scammer he’s not gay by paying
A man, MrTorso, proved to a scammer, BigTits339, that he isn’t gay by agreeing to pay for a new laptop. The Daily Isotope was provided with a transcript of the exchange between BigTits339 and MrTorso. BigTits339: Let’s video chat. I wanna show you something. MrTorso: Alright. [MrTorso connects with BigTits339 through video chat.] MrTorso: I…
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Communication company hires baby for CEO
When the old CEO of Antennas Inc retired, their board tasked the head of HR, Annie Smith, to find a new person to take on the vacated position. Little did they realize what they had asked for. Smith explains, “They told me that since the old CEO was retiring, we need new blood and a…
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Flight canceled in midair when officers realize mistake
Slapdash Air Flight 394 was canceled in midair yesterday when its pilot and copilot realized that a mistake was made in the flight’s paperwork. Robert Stark, the pilot, explains, “I was looking at the choice of meals we had for the flight. I saw that the choices would be steak and fish. But that’s not…
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Star Trek: The Umpteenth Iteration
The Daily Isotope was able to obtain a partial draft of the script of the latest installment of the Star Trek franchise, Star Trek: The Umpteenth Iteration. We publish here what we obtained. La Forge: Captain, the enemy ship is about to fire on us. Picard: Raise shields. Worf: Sir, this will require more power…
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Man develops superpowers after being hit by a photon beam
Meet Jim Post, an ordinary man. Well, he used to be an ordinary man. That is, until, fate decided otherwise, for, you see, Jim was involved in a freak accident involving a photon beam. Jim explains, “Yeah, I used to be this ordinary guy, you know. I had a wife, a house, a dog, a…
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Asking Bib: My dentist keeps making appointments without my consent
Dear Bib: I’ve been going to this dentist since WWII, but lately he’s taken up the bad habit of making appointments without my consent. Last week, he had the gall to go on a date without asking for my permission. Then, the next day, he had an appointment with his own doctor. Again, he did…
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Traveling to Québec? Try the THC-infused fish
If you are traveling to Québec and want THC, you might be in for a surprise. The provincial government regulates what products the dispensaries there are able to sell. In order to prevent children from eating products they shouldn’t, the government requires THC edibles to be unappealing to children. This hasn’t stopped proliferation of edibles,…