“AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa… You scared me. I did not see you there, crouching behind the couch.”

“Oh, sorry! I just wanted to surprise you on this day of celebration.”

“You’ve surprised me, so mission accomplished!”

“But that’s not all. My coworkers managed to shame me into performing socially mandated gestures to demonstrate my love for you.”

“Okay.”

“Like giving you this set of dead plants.”

“Oh, flowers. You took upon yourself to go to the florist. How thoughtful!”

“Yes. Though, I think florist is a bad name. They should be called flower undertakers.”

“The socially mandated response is to thank you. So thank you!”

“You’re welcome. Here is a card for you. Open it.”

“Give me a second.”

“None of the cards at the store conveyed the exact message I had in mind. So I edited the message.”

“I see that. How thoughtful! Crossing out the word ‘forever’ is quite sensible.”

“Yes. At best, once I’m dead, I won’t be able to love you. Why make promises I cannot possibly keep?”

“I also like how you scribbled in the words ‘froggy-style’.”

“What? Froggy-style? Er… no… it is ‘doggy-style’.”

“Oh… right. Your handwriting is terrible.”

“Yes. It is. I also have this gift for you.”

“Wow! That’s a big box.”

“Open it.”

“Give me a week! Haha!”

[Five minutes later.]

“Did you find it?”

“I think I did. It is a wad of $20 bills, like I’m a pole dancer or some such.”

“This way you can get whatever you want. However, my coworkers chided me, saying money is not a thoughtful gift.”

“This is surely more thoughtful than the coffee machine my parents gave me.”

“Oh… yeah…. with your difficulty processing caffeine.”

“It gives me hives. Not only that, but they keep forgetting that they gave me a coffee machine already, and they give me that gift every year.”

“At least money never becomes useless, even if you get it repeatedly.”

“I’m sorry, but I have nothing for you. I do love you too, but I am aromantic.”

“Oh, the enjoyment of your presence is quite enough gift for me. Come to think of it… I think I might be aromantic too. The whole thing felt rather unnatural to me.”

#TheDailyIsotope #AutisticWriters #ActuallyAutistic #aromantic #GiftGiving #society