An idiot politician took to the campaign trail on Monday to promise that he will “fix the schools” by “prohibiting the production of perpetual motion machines.” When asked about the move, he explained, “Schools spend all their time producing perpetual motion machines rather than indoctrinating our children in Republican ideology. It happens, you know! I’d like this to stop.”

We contacted the schools. They issued this statement. “We do not know what this presidential candidate is talking about. We do not spend any time producing perpetual motion machines, as this would violate the first and second laws of thermodynamics. In other words, perpetual motion machines are impossible.”

We asked the idiot politician for evidence. He told us, “Chinese hackers will have the evidence for you tomorrow.” The next day came, and we still do not have the evidence in hand. When we asked for the promise evidence, the politician said, “The Democrats are hiding it!”

Coincidentally, the politician launched a new product line of “machines guaranteed to work forever.” He sells them at $3493434340 a piece.

Inspired by this shitty story.