Bob Minge is an engineer with big dreams. He wants to work for Tesla. Minge explains, “Ever since I was a little boy, I’ve had this dream of working my ass off for no benefits. You know. The American dream kinda thing. When I graduated, I realized that Tesla would be the perfect place for me to waste my life away.”
Minge got to task as soon as he graduated. He started using AI to polish his resume. He told us, “Sure, the AI made it sound like I had experience flying to the moon, and rising emus in Antarctica, but ‘fake it, ’til you make it!’ Am I right? I’m brushing up on my emu husbandry as we speak. Antarctica is one rough place to raise them in.”
Minge sent one application and got a resounding “fuck, no!” However, not one to take “fuck, no!” for an answer, he persisted and sent 300 applications before he finally got a “why not?” answer. When we asked Tesla for a comment they replied that they got tired of answering “fuck, no!”, and they figured they could probably abuse someone so oblivious to rejection.
However, his ordeal was far from over. “This just landed me the first interview. I could clearly see by the way they were vomiting during the interview that I would not get the job.” So he continued applying. He went to interview after interview, causing many lunches to be returned to sender. Eventually, he landed a total of 10 interviews.
We asked him about his reasoning for being so persistent. He told us, “Well, people with more self-esteem than I do would eventually give up on their dream job. Not everybody is made to perform a dull job with no benefits, and always in fear of pissing off the CEO or being fired, but I am.”
Ultimately, Minge landed a job at Tesla as a floor buffer. He admitted, “It’s a menial job, but it is a start.”
The article that inspired this satire:
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