The Daily Isotope researched whether one should spit mucus or swallow it. In our research, we’ve reached out to Pustile Mince, a renowned mucologist and Ig Nobel Prize recipient, who works for The Mucus Clinic of America and Luxembourg.

When we’ve put the question to Mince, she explained “It is better to spit the mucus. Spit mucus finds itself in a hostile environment. I mean, unless you happen to be a champion spitter, and spit it right into the mouth or nose of a loved one, or a pet, or onto a Petri dish.”

She continued, “If you swallow the mucus, well, first of all, ew… What the fuck do you think you’re doing swallowing mucus??? Secondly, the swallowed mucus can organize itself in a colony in your gut, and foment revolution. Nobody wants communist mucus to revolutionize them, do they?”

She ended our interview by spitting mucus on us, as if to prove a point. Our research assistant, an immigrant, grunted while wiping himself, and mumbled something about “first-world problems.”

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The article that inspired this satire:

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/should-you-spit-out-mucus-a-gp-has-the-answer_uk_6728bd80e4b0f3d946e0419c