Brad Singleton is a man on a mission. His mission is to stay away from any news source. He does this because he does not want to know who won the latest election. Singleton says, “They say that ignorance is bliss. I’m quite happy in my state of ignorance.”

We pressed Singleton for his reasoning. He explained, “I’m not an idiot, you know. I know something about quantum mechanics. I know that as long as I don’t know who won, the waves are superimposed. Now, if I learned who won, the wave would collapse, and we can’t have that. No, sir!”

He continued, “It’s like Schrödinger’s cat. The cat is in a box, both alive and dead. In the same way, the candidates are in a state where they are both alive, and dead… er… I mean, they have both won and both lost.”

After his last remark, he kicked us out of his house, grumbling something about “news contamination.”