(Photo by bruce mars on Unsplash)
The research team at The Daily Isotope has recorded how many pushups its team of dedicated journalists are able to do according to their age. We’ve furthermore extrapolated from this data to come up with figures at any age. Here are the results.
| Age | Number of push ups |
| fetal | ∞ |
| 0-2 years | 1938380 |
| 2-10 years | 3938 |
| 10-20 years | fuck no! |
| 30-45 years | 394, sober |
| 40-50 years | 93, on an incline |
| 50-60 years | 15, from the knees |
| 60 and over | 3, but only if the wind is favorable |
| corpse | 0 |
| ghost | -5 |
None of the people surveyed that were between 10 and 20 years of age wanted to do any push ups. Corpses were unable to do any pushups, despite our best encouragements. Ghosts, for their part, were only able to do a negative number of push ups.
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