The Daily Isotope conducted an interview with a man who thought he’d reap riches if he erected a paywall around himself and asked people to subscribe to him. We have reproduced here the interview, with minimal editing.

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Daily Isotope: People told us you now require a subscription in order to interact with them. Is this true?

Man: Yes. This interaction was the first of your three free monthly interactions.

DI: Do people actually subscribe?

Man: Yes, I have two subscribers. A lot of people decide to just not interact with me, but that’s their loss. This interaction was the second of your three free monthly interactions.

DI: What do you do when officials, like the police, want to talk to you?

Man: They get limited free access. This interaction was the last of your three free monthly interactions.

DI: Really?

Man: You have used up your three free monthly interactions. You now need to subscribe.

DI: This is stupid.

Man: You have used up your three free monthly interactions. You now need to subscribe.

DI: You have the intelligence of an amoeba.

Man: [Angrily.] You bloody f… You have used up your three free monthly interactions. You now need to subscribe.

DI: [At this point, our reporter sighed, and put on a wig and Groucho Marx glasses. He also shifted the range of his voice higher.]

DI: Really?

Man: Yes, the other interviewer really had used up all their free interactions for the month. This interaction was the first of your three free monthly interactions.

DI: Doesn’t this paywall thing make dating difficult.

Man: Dating is a topic unlocked if you pay for our After Dark tier.