Some sort of bio! Haha!
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Lawyer talk
“[On the phone.] Yes. Yes. Yes, with extra sauce and cheese. [Hangs up]” “Sauce and cheese? I take it you were ordering a pizza.” “No, I was talking to my lawyer.” “Your lawyer??? Why were you talking about sauce and cheese, then?” “I was teaching my lawyer how to order a pizza.” #TheDailyIsotope #AutisticWriters #microfiction…
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The alien abduction
“I came as fast as I could. I was curling my hair when central called.” “That explains the hair curlers still in your hair.” “What have we here?” “By the looks of it, an abduction.” “Ah. You know what they say, right?” “No, what do they say?” “Oh, I don’t know. I was hoping *you*…
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The Alfredo sauce tastes funny…
“Oh, waiter!” “Yes.” “I’m not satisfied with this Alfredo sauce.” “Oh. Let me taste it. […] It tastes like perfectly fine Alfredo sauce to me.” “It does? To me this tastes like my husband.” “Your husband?” “Yes, husband. I mean I do like the taste of my husband, but Alfredo sauce should not taste like…
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The cat burglar
“I was kissing a cow when central called. I came as fast as I could.” “I see. That explains the smell.” “What smell?” “You smell like a cow.” “Oh. That’s not the cow.” “What is it, then?” “My deodorant.” “What fragrance are you using that smells so bad?” “Barnyard Animal. Why?” “It figures.” “Anyway, what…
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The leading cause of death
“Good morning.” “Good morning, doctor.” “How are you doing?” “It’s probably best not to tarry. I’m parked in the metered zone. Give it to me straight, doctor. How much time do I have left?” “Let me get the right visual aid. Ah… yes. You see this display with the time ticking down?” “Yes.” “That’s the…
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Of tigers and krakens…
[Knock at door] “[Cracks the door open] Yes, what is it?” “Pest control. I’m coming to take care of the tigers.” “The tigers?” “Yes.” “I find hard to believe that you take care of tigers.” “Here is our flier. Look at that list.” “Cockroaches… Mice… Chupacabras… Krakens… Ha, yes, tigers. It is on your list.”…
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He died doing what he loves best
“I came as fast as I could. I was frying air when central called.” “Frying air?” “Yes.” “How do you fry air?” “You know how a hair drier dries hair? An air fryer fries air. I got a new air fryer. It fries air to a crisp.” “I see. Your grammatical logic is impeccable.” “So…
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A deadly combination
“I came as soon as I could. I was in the middle of surgery when central called.” “I see.” “[Phone rings.] Hold on! I’ve got to take this. [Picks up the cellphone.] “Yes. Yes. Let me know if the patient’s state changes, and remember the hydration. [Hangs up.]” “How’s the patient?” “As dead as when…
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A surprise in every box.
“Is this the Department of Formal Complaints?” “No, this is the Department of Informal Complaints.” “Oh, but the sign on the door says…” “I was joking. This, indeed, is the Department of Formal Complaints. There is no such thing as a Department of Informal Complaints. That would be bonkers.” “Ah. Well, I’d like to submit…
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Stupid Cancer
“Give it to me straight, doctor. What is it?” “Oh, it’s a stupid cancer.” “Cancer? Jeez… you sure gave it to me straight. What type is it?” “I’ve told you already. Stupid.” “Hey now, I may be a little slow but don’t call me stupid.” “You’re not understanding me. You have cancer of the stupid.”…