The Daily Isotope
The same but different.
Latest Short Form Article:
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The cat burglar
“I was kissing a cow when central called. I came as fast as I could.” “I see. That explains the smell.” “What smell?” “You smell like a cow.” “Oh. That’s not the cow.” “What is it, then?” “My deodorant.” “What fragrance are you using that smells so bad?” “Barnyard Animal. Why?” “It figures.” “Anyway, what…
Latest Article:
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Therapy: “people call me cold!”
The Daily Isotope has obtained the notes and transcript of the following therapy session. It has been edited for length and comprehension. Therapist: Welcome to therapy. What’s on your mind? Patient: I feel like people are asking me to change my very nature. Therapist: What makes you say this? Patient: They say that I’m cold.…
Short Form Articles:
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He died doing what he loves best
“I came as fast as I could. I was frying air when central called.” “Frying air?” “Yes.” “How do you fry air?” “You know how a hair drier dries hair? An air fryer fries air. I got a new air fryer. It fries air to a crisp.” “I see. Your grammatical logic is impeccable.” “So…
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Can I show you my tits?
“What can I do for you?” “I would like to purchase a bird.” “Oh, can I show you my tits?” “I beg your pardon.” “My tits. Do you want to see them?” “Madam, your proposal is quite indecent.” “Indecent? How?” “You proposed that I see you in a state of undress.” “What? I’ve got great…
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A deadly combination
“I came as soon as I could. I was in the middle of surgery when central called.” “I see.” “[Phone rings.] Hold on! I’ve got to take this. [Picks up the cellphone.] “Yes. Yes. Let me know if the patient’s state changes, and remember the hydration. [Hangs up.]” “How’s the patient?” “As dead as when…
Most Viewed Articles:
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Enby reloads reality: the horror!
Marcel Smith did not realize what would happen when they called upon their home automation device. They explain, “I jokingly went ‘Hello home! Reload reality.’ I thought it would reply that it did not understand what I was asking. I was mighty surprised when it replied, ‘Are you sure?’ I answered affirmatively. It replied, ‘Alright.…
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Traveling to Québec? Try the THC-infused fish
If you are traveling to Québec and want THC, you might be in for a surprise. The provincial government regulates what products the dispensaries there are able to sell. In order to prevent children from eating products they shouldn’t, the government requires THC edibles to be unappealing to children. This hasn’t stopped proliferation of edibles,…
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Here’s how many push-ups you should be able to do, by age
The research team at The Daily Isotope has recorded how many pushups its team of dedicated journalists are able to do according to their age. We’ve furthermore extrapolated from this data to come up with figures at any age. Here are the results. Age Number of push ups fetal ∞ 0-2 years 1938380 2-10 years…
Random Articles:
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Traveling to Québec? Try the THC-infused fish
If you are traveling to Québec and want THC, you might be in for a surprise. The provincial government regulates what products the dispensaries there are able to sell. In order to prevent children from eating products they shouldn’t, the government requires THC edibles to be unappealing to children. This hasn’t stopped proliferation of edibles,…
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Stupid Cancer
“Give it to me straight, doctor. What is it?” “Oh, it’s a stupid cancer.” “Cancer? Jeez… you sure gave it to me straight. What type is it?” “I’ve told you already. Stupid.” “Hey now, I may be a little slow but don’t call me stupid.” “You’re not understanding me. You have cancer of the stupid.”…
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Woman fixes marriage by divorcing and remarrying husband
Julie Wang is not a woman who easily accepts defeat. After years dealing with a dead bedroom, she had enough, and took a page from those Customer Service Representatives that she has to deal with regularly. Julie explains, “They keep recommending that I reset everything. Have you rebooted your laptop? Have you restarted your modem?…
Older Articles:
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Difficulty losing weight? “Use this one weird trick” says nutritionist
“I recommend that everyone use this trick,” says Susanne Smith, CNO, that’s Chief Nutrition Officer, at Smith Nutrition. Together with her husband and her newborn, she has 293 years of experience in nutrition. “I have people coming into my office in tears, quite unable to lose weight,” she continues. “I feel for them, and this…